Ubers New CEO Will Likely Be General Electrics Jeffrey Immelt. Uber is closing in on a pick to replace its former CEO Travis Kalanick, who departed the ride hailing giant under a storm of allegations he tolerated a widespread culture of sexual harassment and mistreated drivers. Per Recode, the number one finalist is former General Electric CEO Jeff Immelt, who could be coming before the companys board of directors for a final vote in as little as two weeks. Though the vote is loaded with tension amid a lawsuit major investor Benchmark Capital is bringing against Kalanick for alleged fraudand Kalanick himself reportedly tried to interfere with the search in hopes of regaining his lost power at the companyImmelt enjoys widespread support and some members of the board hope it will be unanimous. We know it is never going to be a perfect choice, but everyone is becoming exhausted, one source told Recode. We need someone with the skills to move us along. He certainly is not someone anyone can push around easily, which is probably his best characteristic, a source added, referring to the companys infamous infighting. We all know Immelts not the dynamic entrepreneur that Travis is, but he can certainly settle things down. In addition to dealing with the trash public image which festered under Kalanicks tenure, the new chief will have numerous urgent, high level concerns to address. ZqG0y_yJgSI/UWY6_ybvgnI/AAAAAAAAD_k/uEuDmovjdzs/s1600/Screen+Shot+2013-04-11+at+2.23.28+PM.png' alt='Crack 18 Wheels Of Steel Gratuitously' title='Crack 18 Wheels Of Steel Gratuitously' />Those include dealing with lawsuits from angry drivers and disabled persons advocates, reforming Ubers corporate culture and importantly to the continued survival of the company, laying the groundwork to get out of its nearly billion dollar a year cash hole in the long term, probably by replacing drivers with self driving technology. While Uber was hoping to secure a female CEO, which would have aided their attempts to turn the whole allegations of rampant sexism thing around, numerous high profile female executives reportedly decided their time was better spent not cleaning up Kalanicks mess. Recode. MS Paint Adventures 0. HomestuckA young man stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 1. April, 2. 00. 9, is this young mans birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name What will the name of this young man be Enter name. Try again. 0. 41. Examine room. Your name is JOHN. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. You also like to play GAMES sometimes. 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You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS You guess it doesnt hurt to try. John Take nails. You captchalogue FOUR 4 NAILS into the top card, and push all the ARTIFACTS down a card. The FAKE ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck Oh well. Theyre probably completely useless anyway. But you probably dont want to do that again, unless you want to drop the SMOKE PELLETS and suffer the consequences. In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful. John Squawk like an imbecile and shit on your desk. This is the dumbest idea youve had in weeksSTUPID STUPID STUPID. And yet the polished surface of your desk. It beckons. 0. 41. John Combine the nails and hammer. You MERGE the top two cards. The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together. John Use hammernails on poster. You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it. John Nail poster to wall. You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall. Its glorious. Exactly what you wanted. The old man really came through this time. John Examine Con Air poster. PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX. I SAID, PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX. WHY COULDNT YOU PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOXJohn Examine Deep Impact poster. Morgan Freemans genteel, homespun mannerisms were perfect qualities for a president residing over a crisis. OCEANS RISE. CITIES FALL. HOPE SURVIVES. Films about impending apocalypse fascinate you. Plus, a black president Now youve seen everything John Examine calendar. Youve marked your birthday, the 1. April. Another day you marked was supposed to be the arrival date for the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH. Its been three days already. Its starting to become a sore subject with you. John Eat cake. You are sick to death of cake Youve been eating it all day. And you have no intention of clogging your SYLLADEX with it either. The CAKE stays put for now. You hear a notice from your COMPUTER. Someone is messaging you. John Examine incoming message. You pull up to your COMPUTER. This is where you spend most of your time. You decorated your desktop with some rather handsome WALLPAPER which you made yourself. You are really proud of it. Your desktop is also littered with various PROGRAMMING PROJECT FILES. You are so bad at programming sometimes you wonder why you even bother with it. Your PESTERCHUM application is flashing. Someone is trying to get in touch with you. John Open Pesterchum. Only one of your CHUMS is logged in. Hes sent you a message. John Open message. PESTERLOG. Godhead TG began pestering ecto. Biologist EB at 1. TG hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today. EB i got a little monsters poster, its so awesome. TG oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here. EB ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. TG but TG the seal on the bottle is unbroken. TG are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory. EB all im saying is dont you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle EB try using your brain numbnuts. TG why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like. TG i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous. EB it was the 1. TG ok i can accept that TG monster B list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters. TG also fred savage has a really punchable face. TG but who cares about this lets stop talking about it. TG did you get the beta yet. EB no. EB did you TG man i got two copies already. TG but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring.